NFA Community Forums

NCIS Fanfiction Addiction Forums
It is currently Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:35 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 19 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 5:24 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Comments can go here!


House of Cards
by channelD




written for: Barbara, as a Haiti auction set of two ficlets.
rating: FR13
characters: Tim and Tony
prompt: Barbara requested having the same story told from two different points of view

- - - - -

1.

NCIS Standard Field Case Report
form no. NCIS-307 (DOD approved), May 1999. Prior editions are obsolete.
Please type or print neatly, using black or blue ink.


Reported by: Probationary Special Agent Timothy McGee
Date of report: October 2, 2004
Case No. 04-018-HQ
SSA: L. J. Gibbs

Report Narrative
On the afternoon of October 1, 2004, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo and I were sent to investigate a lead in this case. The lead took us to a reported crack house at 1741 Carmel St SW, Washington DC. We would attempt to interview one Cyril David Feeley, who was reported to have been seen with the suspect, Larry DeWayne Cobb, shortly before Cobb was engaged in the shooting on the National Mall.

There was no answer to our knock at the door at the old building, which appeared to be about to fall down. I had misgivings about entering this house of cards, but I hoped we could make it fast and get out. Having a warrant, we forced entry. The house appeared at first glance to be abandoned, with a thin layer of dust everywhere. The electricity appeared to have been shut off. In searching the first floor, we found no inhabitants, but could see some footprints in the dust, indicating someone had been here recently.

With Agent DiNozzo in the lead, we proceeded up the stairs to the second floor. The dust was thick on the stairs, which creaked alarmingly. At one spot my foot went through a rotted stair, and I was slow in getting it extracted in the dim natural light while Agent DiNozzo continued on up. By the time I did so, he was out of sight. I stepped gingerly on the next step up, found it held my weight, and I then continued to the top.

Agent DiNozzo appeared then and told me not to come any further, saying that the floors there were in bad shape and might not hold both of us. He’d searched the rooms there and found no one and nothing notable. He shoved an evidence bag at me for me to carry—I think it was drug paraphernalia, but I didn’t have time to check it. We decided to leave. Coming down from the second floor, the stairs seemed to shake, and a light fixture in the ceiling fell, clipping Agent DiNozzo’s shoulder. He wasn’t badly hurt. Another stair, and then another, crumbled beneath my feet and I fell. Agent DiNozzo was unable to stop soon enough and fell over me.

There was a great creaking sound, and then the ceiling started to come down. Agent DiNozzo shouted that we had to get out of there before the house collapsed on top of us. He’d gotten to his feet and was scrambling to get me to mine when a ceiling beam fell, pinning me on my back, and the rest of the ceiling was still falling. I tried to tell him to get out and save himself, but I’m not sure I got the words out. It was hard to talk. I was losing consciousness but I’m pretty sure I heard him say that he wasn’t leaving me. I tried to argue. Then, as I tried to get free, I must have hurt something and I blacked out.

When I came to, the air was full of dust, but at least things had stopped falling. I could see up to the roof through the gaping hole in the ceiling. The roof at least hadn’t fallen, yet. I was having a little trouble seeing, but I could make out Agent DiNozzo lying not too far away from me. I shouted his name, three times, and then he stirred. I asked him to call for help, since I couldn’t reach my phone. He appeared dazed, and not able to understand me.

But he managed to get to his feet. Then, the door opened, and there was Cyril David Feeley, who looked in amazement at the destruction. I identified myself as a federal agent and said we wanted to ask him some questions. Instead of cooperating, Feeley drew a gun and aimed it at us, wavering between the two of us.

I could no more reach my sig than I could my cell phone. I didn’t know what to do. The house creaked again, ominously. I don’t remember what I said to Feeley, but it angered him. He got off a round, hitting my right arm, before Agent DiNozzo threw a chunk of plaster at him, knocking him over.

Then things got worse. More of the ceiling came down, and a wall collapsed. It was only a matter of time before the roof fell in. Surely one of the neighbors would call the police, but would anyone think to look in here before it was too late? I called to Agent DiNozzo to save himself, and to take Feeley out with him. Just because he’s a suspect doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to save him. I knew I had to face facts: It would take more time than we had to get me free. There was no reason why all of us should die.

And then…a miracle happened. There’s no other term for it. I wiggled and…the beam holding me turned out to be rotted, too, for it broke and with Agent DiNozzo’s help, I was able to pull myself out from under it. I don’t know how it had managed to hold up the ceiling as long as it had, but I knew this was not the time to stop and think about that. I was sore but I could move, even though my arm hurt. (Gunshot wound referenced above; minor.) Agent DiNozzo pulled me to my feet and then we both dragged Feeley out through the door. I wanted to go back in for the evidence bag, which I am sorry I had dropped. Agent DiNozzo tackled me and talked me out of reentering the house. I was starting to feel shaky then, and I think I blacked out. Agent DiNozzo must have dragged me as far as the sidewalk as then more of the house came down. Emergency vehicles arrived. I only remember from there making sense of things in the hospital ER, with the doctor telling me I could go home shortly. I asked about Agent DiNozzo and was informed that he was being released within an hour as well.

I suggest that Agent DiNozzo be put in for a commendation. He is truly a hero.

Timothy McGee


- - - - -


2.

NCIS Standard Field Case Report
form no. NCIS-307 (DOD approved), May 1999. Prior editions are obsolete.
Please type or print neatly, using black or blue ink.


Reported by: Senior Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo
Date of report: October 2, 2004
Case No. 04-018-HQ
SSA: L. J. Gibbs


Report Narrative
In connection with the Larry DeWayne Cobb narcotics investigation, I was sent out to interview a lead, a Cyril David Feeley, on 1741 Carmel St SW. Special Agent Gibbs had me take the rookie, T. McGee, along to get some experience. I could have done this all by myself, just for the record.

The sorry-excuse-for-a-house should have been condemned. It was, after we were done there. We weren’t expecting any trouble, it was just to be the usual interview-a-likely-uncooperative-witness on this fleabag street, and if he didn’t answer questions willingly, we’d haul his rear end into NCIS for questioning.

No one answered our knock, and the doorbell didn’t work. We broke in. The electricity was off. No one was about. We walked up rickety stairs to the second floor; McGee, behind me, catching his foot in a rotten step. I left him to his own bumbling devices and searched the second floor by myself. I found evidence of drug manufacturing, which I bagged. Going back down the stairs, I gave the evidence bag to McGee to carry. He then managed to break through two more steps and I tripped over him. Then the ceiling started to collapse.

Quickly, McGee was pinned under a beam and I tried to help him but something hit me in the head. I blacked out. When I came to, McGee was shouting at me. Like I could do much then. It took awhile for my head to stop dancing the macarena. As it started to clear, Feeley came in the door. McGee idiotically let him know we were federal agents—Feeley might have helped us out if he hadn’t known that. As it was, he started shooting and winged McGee before I brought Feeley down. He was out cold, thanks to a hunk of plaster.

The house was making sounds, and more of it fell. The far wall collapsed. The roof would probably fall in a matter of minutes, along with other beams. How Feeley had managed to live in this joint, I’ll never know. McGee was yelling at me again. That kid has a set of lungs. This time he said something weird about me needing to grab Feeley and get the hell out while I still could. Like I’d leave a partner, particularly a junior one, behind. I thought he knew me by now. Not that I was sure I could even get out myself; that hit on the head had me more loopy than I’d admit to him. But Gibbs would skin me if I came back without the probie, so I had to figure out something.

Then somehow McGee got out from under that beam. He said it was rotted and just broke, but I don’t know. In any event, He was soon helping me up and we were going out the door, when he said wait, we have to take Feeley, too. I guess he was right, and so we did. Then the dork wanted to back into a crumbling house to get the evidence bag that he’d dropped. I twisted his arm into a half-nelson and he took the hint. We about made to the sidewalk when the house caved in, like on a movie set. LEOs and EMTs were arriving. McGee stayed awake to insist that I get the first ambulance ride. I should have refused but I was still seeing hippos in tutus dancing in circles around my head.

I get the feeling that McGee might downplay his role in this, but I think he showed a lot of spunk today. Maybe even heroism. Do they make them like that anymore?

Anthony DiNozzo

___________________________
Words in this post: 1792
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:20 pm 
Offline
Director's Secretary
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 10:13 pm
Posts: 2508
Name: shellie
Gender: Female
Oh my gosh. That was too cute! Each narrative perfectly matched the characters! That just SOUNDED like Tim and Tony. That was wonderful, Pam. I enjoyed that very much. :yes:

___________________________
Words in this post: 38
_______________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:30 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Thanks, Shellie! I tried to match the tone. Being still very green in 2004, I figured Tim's style would be very formal. Tony's would be looser, including with little digs that he probably should not be allowed to get away with. :)

___________________________
Words in this post: 50
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:31 pm 
Offline
Director's Secretary
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 10:10 pm
Posts: 2069
Location: Michigan
Title: A tiny bit insane
Name: Adrian
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Doh! I didn't see where it said comments could go here or else I would've left one hours ago!

This was great! I agree with Shellie - it just sounded so much like them. And how Tim's was so proper and Tony's was flippant... wonderful!

___________________________
Words in this post: 45
_______________________



Image
Avatar and banner made by me


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:07 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:05 am
Posts: 52863
Location: Here and there. Everywhere and nowhere.
Title: DOCTOR!
Aliases: Scurvy Gums Ramona
Gender: Female
Very nice! It's a kind of...oh, drat, the term just left me...and the meaning is just what you've done here; so that's out. I can't sound smart. ;D

I love how carefully Tim's words are placed. You can see that he thought about each and every one. It's an illustration of why his report in Witness was accepted on the first draft and Tony's was after five. Eventually, you just have to take what you can get. ;D

___________________________
Words in this post: 94
_______________________
Image
Click for the story!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:12 pm 
Offline
Administrator
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:08 pm
Posts: 17721
Location: Kentucky, USA
Title: Goddess of Gab
Name: Barbara
Gender: Female
link: Author Board
link: Story Board Profile
:smitten: :smitten: :smitten: That was just as great as I had hoped when I gave that idea. I didn't give you anything at all to go on, plotwise, so I had no idea what to expect. Truthfully, I thought you'd go the humor route. Which would have been great. But this was MARVELOUS and perfect and so much better than I hoped for.

Like they said, it really captured the tone of that particular season setting and each character's way. And I just love Tony/Tim friendship stories. This was especially interesting as they were just coming together in that way at that time in the show.

Anyhow, I don't normally leave long comments and I'm getting very long-winded, so I'll shut up now. :jumpgreen: :jumpgreen:

___________________________
Words in this post: 167
_______________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:20 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
I would guess that Gibbs, on reviewing Tony's report, would tell Tony to edit it. ;) Tony strikes me as one who would be willing to be told to rewrite something if it means he can let his feelings come out in the first submission.

I deliberately set this right after Tim was added to Gibbs' team. I think Tim would be trying so hard to prove himself that he would have written it formally and spellchecked it six times to make sure it was perfect. ;D I'd forgotten about that mention in Witness. Tim is probably a little less formal in his report-writing now, but I'd imagine that he still has to do fewer rewrites than Tony does. :)

___________________________
Words in this post: 144
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:20 pm 
Offline
Team Leader
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2008 4:45 pm
Posts: 21384
Location: Lost in a good book
Title: Broadway Lover
Name: Colleen
Aliases: Oxymoronic Alliteration, BroadwayBookworm
Gender: Female
Great ficlet set :yes: I like how well you captured both of their voices (Tim completely professional and sticking to the facts, Tony giving the facts but with more snark and sarcasm interjected). Loved it!

___________________________
Words in this post: 43
_______________________
Image
~*~Banner by EmyPink~*~


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:26 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
I'm so glad you liked it, Barbara! I did consider humor, at the start, but then swung toward drama. It's just where the idea went.

Tony is kind of like the older sibling who feels a little jealous when there's a new baby in the house that gets a lot of attention. Here's Tim, with several college degrees and mad computer skills, who's caught Gibbs' eye. Tony's still going to resent Tim a bit...even though he knows he has his uses. And of course he didn't expect that the two of them would get into danger, for Gibbs wouldn't have put Tim into a situation like that that early in his career, at least, not without Gibbs being there.

___________________________
Words in this post: 119
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:29 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Thanks, Colleen! We never get to actually read the reports on the show...I wonder if Tim has ever loosened up enough to inject a bit of snark on his own (necessitating a rewrite)? I'd like to think so. :)

___________________________
Words in this post: 47
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:34 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Oh, I just corrected a continuity glitch; changing the date in Tim's report's first sentence from June 14 to October 1. I had originally set the story in June but then changed it October, right after Tim's promotion came in. Just in case you were wondering...

___________________________
Words in this post: 46
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 4:46 pm 
Offline
MTAC Technician
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:11 am
Posts: 5941
Name: Mad
You have the character voices so perfectly in this Pam. Even without dialogue, within the confines of ‘official’ reports, a reader would know who had written each report even if you had not put the names at the top. Brilliant!

___________________________
Words in this post: 40
_______________________
Image
Banner by the brilliant McSidekick146. Thank you Jennifer!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:33 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
:blush: Thanks, Mad!

___________________________
Words in this post: 11
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:28 pm 
Offline
Junior Field Agent
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 2:12 pm
Posts: 461
Location: Lost in a daydream.
Title: Too many fanfics, too little time!
Name: Sam
Gender: Female
Bravo, Pam! :clap: Both of their voices really shined through on their respective reports.Having the two accounts of the same incident, though telling basically the same facts, be so different was a really good idea. And I liked that they both praised each other at the end. Awesome job!

___________________________
Words in this post: 57

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:13 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Thank you, Sam! Glad you liked it! :)

___________________________
Words in this post: 16
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 2:14 am 
Offline
Junior Field Agent

Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2010 3:34 pm
Posts: 535
Name: iawen
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Haha, that was great! Tony.... hahahaha. I loved Tim's formal language as opposed to Tony's report. "I could have done it by myself, by the way." LOL.

Yes, Tim certainly was the ONLY one who downplayed his role. Funny that DiNozzo can be both arrogant and humble in the exact same report. Love it!!

___________________________
Words in this post: 54
_______________________
~iawen~


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:12 am 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Thanks, iawen! Tony was posturing a bit, and was aware that Gibbs would tell him to rewrite it. He was trying to make a point. :)

___________________________
Words in this post: 34
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 4:04 pm 
Offline
Intel Analyst
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:54 pm
Posts: 2989
Location: Standing at the foot of Orodruin.
Title: Discworld Aficionado
Name: Gillian
Aliases: shamaha3, Desidiosusbagel
Gender: Female
link: My Authorboard
Flag: Image
I can't tell you how much I like this little ficlet, I love the way you write this. From the viewpoints of both their reports, and their individual voices that shine through. Though I think I may just be spouting nonsense (It is a Friday. ;D ), main point is that I really like it.

I love Tony's report, it makes me grin every time I look at it. It's so biased and full of Tony's own special brand of humor, which I love. And is probably the reason he had to rewrite his first report so many times, Gibbs would never take the rough draft. And you compare that to Tim's, which is exactly as I thought it would be so early in his NCIS career. Sticking to the facts and formalities. I just love that the same experience is told so differently from different points of view.

Another great story, Pam. (Wow, I'm a bit late in my review! Excuse me for my tardiness, I actually read it the day you posted it but forgot to comment. :blush: )

___________________________
Words in this post: 197
_______________________
Image

"Oh let me guess, I get killed."
"Kill you? Eh, no. Don't be obvious. I mean I'm going to kill you anyway someday. I don't want to rush it though. I'm saving it up for something special. No no no. If you don't stop prying I will burn you. I will burn the heart out of you."
"I have been reliably informed that I don't have one."
"But we both know that's not quite true."

:violent-duel:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:43 pm 
Offline
Director
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:26 pm
Posts: 51556
Location: on your six, boss!
Name: Pam
Aliases: Black-Hearted Nell
Gender: Female
Flag: Image
Thanks, Gillian! No need to apologize! :) No doubt Tony would have had to rewrite his a couple of times. I would imagine that at this point, Tim would be a little less formal, and Tony would be a little more formal, but they'd still be recognizeable by their styles.

___________________________
Words in this post: 58
_______________________
Image
banner by McMhuirich!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 19 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group